How my Dad coached me and taught me a very important life lesson
I realized lately that our immediate family members (parents, siblings, kids and spouse) and close friends are our default life coaches. This is a small story on how my dad coached me and taught me one very important life lesson-self empowerment.
My Dad agreed to purchase a brand-new bike(motorcycle) for me, after lot of pleading, getting ‘good marks’ and ogling at bikes and waiting for years. When I got the keys, I could not fail to notice that it was a thing of beauty. A sparkling new Hero Honda Splendor. It was standing there shining, gleaming, enticing me and it had that bass sound which was music to my ears. It goes without saying that it was love at first sight for me. My pulse was racing and my heart was thumping like a racehorse. When I got on the bike, I got the feeling that this was a match made in heaven-the connection was instant. The first ride made me feel that I was riding over clouds. The un-evenness of the roads just disappeared suddenly. My previous encounters with driving was with Dad’s Lambrettra (lovingly called Lamby), which was our family workhorse but it also used to rattle my bones over bad roads.
After a month of finding excuses to go out for a drive with my first love, the first service due date came. This is one the free service that comes bundled with the purchase of a new vehicle. This was a new challenge for me. I had never taken any vehicle for a service. I just used to think that I can just ride it and put petrol when it gets over. It was always Dad who took care of servicing Lamby . However, my dad said it’s your bike so you better take the responsibility of getting it serviced as well. I gave the bike for service over the weekend. The service in charge asked me if I had some complaints with the bike (this is a usual question for him but not for me !!). I was not prepared to answer that question and got a bit confused. Is a new bike supposed to have complaints? Is this normal? Why should I complain about my bike? In hindsight I also did not have any experience about maintaining or riding bikes to compare with and point out complaints. Anyway, one lesson was learnt, I cannot just drive the bike and there are other things that are required to keep it running that way. More services (free and paid) came and then there was oil change, carburetor cleaning, brake shoe change, clutch cable replacement etc. I had to pay all this with my pocket money which I used to get from my dad. That was the next lesson — owning something needs time and money as well. Driving the Lamby occasionally, was different and owning a bike was different. I used to share my experience about these services with my dad and most of the time he would just smile like a Yogi who has already seen it. I learned first-hand about maintaining a bike in good condition, maintaining proper tyre pressure, how do I recognize a new sound which I must report to the service center, how can I find if oil needs to be changed. How to get a good mileage. At what frequency should I fill petrol, how do I know if the battery is down. These lessons and many more, that I learned while owning this bike are still there with me.
During all these times, my Dad did not come and instruct me on how to maintain a vehicle properly. Neither did he keep advising me about all the maintenance associated with bike. He purchased the bike for me and handed over the bike and its responsibility to me. Technically it was his bike as the registration papers were in his name as well. He trusted me that I will take care of the bike myself. Buying a bike was also not such a cheap affair for someone like my dad who was working in a government job. So, handing over the keys of a brand-new expensive vehicle to a rookie like me, while he was still riding an old scooter would have require an amazing amount of trust and of course a giant leap. Of course, I would do my best to keep that trust intact. This act of owning a vehicle fully helped me in learning and exploring things myself and finding them at my own pace. I did make mistakes and learned from them. However, there was no one who was judging me and pointing out my mistakes. Deep inside, it made me confident about myself- that I could do things on my own and I can handle the unknown and learn from that. This is not just limited to bike. Including my first bike, I have now owned 3 bikes and two cars. What would have happened if my Dad kept on advising me on what to do and what not to do or follow up with me on service schedules? Possibly I would have stopped doing the things he told, when he did not call or did not follow up. My Dad empowered me to take care of my bike and doing so he taught me lot of life skills. He coached me.
If I compare this with corporate world, I see more and more leaders or delivery managers who say that they have empowered the team and still they would need daily (sometimes twice a day) status, check-in, justifications, reports etc. I am no exception; I have done this micro-management as well and called my team repeatedly to check the ‘status’ !! I hope they forgive me. Unknowingly an environment of distrust is created and the team leader/manager still ends up being the owner of the delivery. They appear to be micro managing the team. Teams feel suffocated and slowly their morale goes down. Do we empower our teams to take decisions and learn by themselves? Do we trust that they will do the right thing? Do we give them a safe and judgement free environment where they can make mistakes and learn by themselves? I realized that it’s a giant leap of faith. Somewhere behind this constant need for ‘control’, also lies the insecurity. The insecurity that what if the team works fine without the manager, then what will the manager do? I would say that if the team is fully empowered, the manager/lead can take up another team or a bigger role. How long will he last if he wants to control the team constantly and what if there are multiple teams. How much time and energy would be required to constantly control teams and individuals. Adding to the complexity is the remote working which is going to stay.
What type of leader are you? One who gives the ownership of the bike to the team and trust them to take care or the one who still owns the bike and has temporary lent it to the team?